As part of my last weekend before I head off to Baku (even though I’m still waiting on the return of my passport and visa from the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington…argh), I decided to host a modest Eurovision 2012 Preview Party from my home in Minnesota.  Over bites of Italian arancini, German pancakes, Turkish apricots and Swedish cookies, my friends and I mulled over the forty-two competing entries in this year’s competition, giving each song a score from 0 to 10.  Most of my friends had never seen or heard the entries prior to our little shindig, and only really knew about the competition through what I’ve forced down their throats over the past few years. 

Here are the votes from Saint Paul (and their average scores, out of a maximum 10)…

• 12 points: Italy (9.3)
• 10 points: Denmark (8.9)
• 8 points: Iceland (8.2)
• 7 points: Sweden (8.1)
• 6 points: Moldova (7.9)
• 5 points: France (7.85)
• 4 points: Ukraine (7.5)
• 3 points: Finland (7.3)
• 2 Points: United Kingdom (7.3)
• 1 point: Slovenia (7.2)

Honorable Mentions: Cyprus (7), Norway (7), Germany (6.9)

(Technically, the UK and Finland were tied exactly, but as Finland received more scores of 9, it took the lead from the Hump.)

Bringing up the rear were:

• Belarus (3.3)
• Latvia (3.1)
• Georgia (2.3)
• San Marino (1.5)
• Austria (0.9)

As I’ve mentioned before, I live in Minnesota, the home of the cult-classic show “Mystery Science Theater 3000”.  In that spirit, my friends and I tended to get our snark on while watching some of the Preview Videos (further lubricated by the amount of wine and post-Kentucky-Derby mint juleps on hand).  Here are some winning comments from the evening:

• Ukraine: “Are you sure she’s not a drag queen?  I’m giving this a 6, but it would be a 10 if she were a dude.”
• Austria: “This is so bad, it makes me want to give San Marino some points.”  “I actually feel stupider for having watched this.”
• Montenegro: “The Montenegrin public had nothing to do with picking this? Makes me feel better about the Montenegrin public…” “I liked it, but that doesn’t mean it was good!” “Sounded like a prelude to one of my headaches…” “Donkey gets a 10!”
• Israel: “This feels like an Israeli David Lynch movie…”
• Russia: “I want to give them all a hug, and I wish them well, and when you speak to them, tell them I gave them a 10…but 3.”
• Malta: “Too “Jersey Shore” for me…”
• Turkey: “Sounds like the theme from “Inspector Gadget” performed at the Star Wars Cantina.”
• Hungary: “What do the words mean?” “Dude, it’s in English.” “Dammit!”
• Greece: “Can they afford benches in Greece nowadays? She’s resorted to sitting on her dancers.” “It’ll get stuck in my head…especially when I’m drunk.”
• Albania: “This video looks like it’s been filmed in a cross between a museum and a bathroom.”
• Cyprus: “It’s automatically getting a point, just because it’s not the last song [San Marino].” “This sounds like what I’d expect from Eurovision” “This is what a Kardashian would look like without a tan!”