Nul points. And I protest the unavailability of negative numbers to vote for.

I’m somewhere between resigned and livid about this choice. Closer to livid, actually. I am of the opinion (and nice to see it echoed in some of the UK press for a change) that the ESC has somehow morphed into a genuine, legitimate *contemporary* song contest, and until the UK starts sending plausible *current* hit songs, they will continue to get seriously skunked.

This is not a plausible *current* hit song. In any country. I do not see any conceivable pathway to the left-hand side of the scoreboard (or the upper right quadrant for that matter), even if Bonnie blows the roof off with her fabulous performance (which, I am predicting, she won’t, sorry to be such a pessimist).

I also think the current artists are absolutely right. There is no upside for any performer (with decent career prospects) to enter for the UK. Best case: You win, and everyone says “well of course you did, you’re famous”. Worst case, you don’t win, and you’re a laughing stock. If I were a UK act’s manager and they wanted to appear at Eurovision, I’d lock that act in a padded room and hide the key until they came to their senses.

Look how much ongoing slagging Engelbert is getting in the wake of this announcement. Look how well it’s going for Tony Iommi just because he provided some guitar riffs to a mediocre act. Even Jade Ewen is “that Sugababe from Eurovision”, tainted by the association, and nobody but the Euronuts seem to recall that she came in 5th.

UK Eurovision participation is the gift that keeps on taking. The ONLY people who should even consider it are those with nothing to lose. Those with careers that haven’t started, have ended, or (as with Engelbert and Bonnie T) have undergone petrification and thus are bulletproof.

In short, the only path forward for the UK at this point – if they have any interest whatsoever in fielding a competitive act, which I no longer think they do – is a big fat expensive public talent competition of unknowns. UK Melody Festival. And truth be told, I doubt that would even work, because even that would have trouble attracting plausible participants.

In America, if you’re humor-impaired but want to look cool in the eyes of your beer-swilling buddies, you make fun of the food at Taco Bell. In the UK, apparently you make fun of Eurovision instead. And the BBC encourages it. Heck, Norton’ll read your stupid jävla tweet right there on the dang broadcast!

It’s a massive clusterboink for the UK, and I don’t see the BBC having any inclination or motivation to change the status quo. To them the ESC is an inexpensive, highly-rated comedy show, and they’ll just send whoever shows up wanting to do it. Especially if it’s somebody whose 45s the BBC managers bought while in high school, because of course BBC management types are the typical Eurovision televoter. This will only change when (1) the ratings tank, or (2) Adele wrestles the keys to the padded room away from her manager and is able to sign the BBC contract before the tranquilizer darts take effect.

And my comment is now longer than your article. Don’t talk to me about rambling. Or ranting, as the case may be.